Happy birthday, my darling love! In celebration of the day you first graced the world with your presence, I proudly present:
TOP TEN REASONS WHY I ADORE YOU
10. Your iTunes list ranges from Aerosmith to Gilbert and Sullivan to Diana Krall. You're a gigantomongous music geek, genre be damned! And when I told you I was going to wear my cowboy hat with the skulls to the BioWare picnic, you replied, ""You're a cowboy. On a steel horse you ride. You're wanted, dead or alive." OH SNAP! Bon Jovi reference 4TW, y'all!
09. You always know exactly what I'm talking 'bout. I don't know if it's because you and I have led parallel lives or what, but I never have to mince words or beat around the bush when I'm talking to you. Huh-huh. I just said bush. Huh-huh. Mince. Huh-huh. VernixVernixVernix...
08. Your outrageous belly laugh is the sweetest music there is. Right up there with your angelic singing voice. I was so outclassed when we were singing along at Mamma Mia! on Saturday. When Rock Band for the 360 comes out, I will gladly cede Lead Singer status to you. Now if I could just get the hang of that guitar... ahh, eff it. I'll be the cage dancer.
07. You and I have had actual conversations like, "It's just deplorable how the California educational system is penalizing kids who don't speak English as a first language. Oh! Hey, did you check out gofugyourself today?" "Yes, I did, girl. And Lauryn Hill looks like a cracked-out Oprah Winfrey clown impersonator."
06. You are always so generous with your time and resources. You rescued me after The Great Tire Blowout of 2005. You barely knew me at the time, but you drove out, helped me change the tire ("Gravity is your friend!"), and made sure I safely got home driving on the donut. That was when I first fell in love with you, my heroine.
05. Your bosom of friendship and sisterhood is so soft and cushiony. Whenever the Universal Rochambeau Deity makes with the kicking against Team Everman, you are always there with a proverbial icepack for the ovarios, a hug and dark chocolate to soothe dramatically hurt feelings, and a promise to help me kick back.
04. Your gorgeous dimply smile instantly lights up any room. Fer reals, girl, you must've harnessed the sun to power that thang. Daaayaaamn.
03. You do not suffer my bullshit. While you are always unfailingly supportive, you do not hesitate to ask when appropriate, "Have you lost your mind?" Then you assist with the search and rescue of said mind.
02. You are an amazing mother. I'm not just talking about the Amazon Home Birth Supermodel who birthed a child without a midwife; I'm also talking about the mama bear who has raised such a smart, funny, loving, well-mannered Monchichi. Yes, there are times when he's not so well-mannered, but ok, hi: he is currently suffering from a rabid case of the two-and-a-halfs. It will pass.
01. You are my Moon Sister. You, Jamielita, and I have created a spiritual practice that has stretched, nourished, and enriched my Soul. Blessed be. I'm so happy you are so hippie. You make this prairie tundra feel like the coziest place to call home.
In short, I want to bake you into a pie and take you home to my mother. You are that adorable. So, seriously, will you marry me? Dusty and Tricky won't mind, honest. Plus, we're already living in Canada; you know how these liberals are with their socialized medicine and their gay marriages. We could totally pull it off here. Just think about it, 'kay?
Feliz compleaños, mi amorcita. Thank you for the music you bring into my life.