Tuesday, December 18, 2007

These Dreams

"Every second of the night, I live another life"

Dreams from the First Three Prego Months

Dusty and I are Eastern European river gypsies and proud parents of a gorgeous baby girl with black hair. We are speeding along a brick tunnel waterway and the baby is getting splashed. I ask Dusty to slow down and not take the corners so hard. We finally reach our destination: a large Ukrainian feast hosted by my big boss, Papa Love. There are tables groaning with pyrogies, kubasa, cabbage rolls, and meatballs as far as the eye can see. And in the center, Papa Love is seated on a throne, welcoming us to his party. We eat heartily.

BioWare decides to increase productivity by having us all live in dorms near the office. After work, a bunch of us are watching TV in a very Animal House-flavored room. A co-worker comes in, bearing 12 large pizzas. There are only five of us. I admit to ordering seven extra just for myself. "Bring them here," I bellow. We eat heartily.

KPAX asks me to cater his wedding. [Editor's Note: This is just a dream, ladies. You can still have your very own Paddington bear... if you're worthy.] On the eve of the ceremony, I get a note from him saying that he and his bride-to-be have changed their minds. They just want to live in sin and don't want a big ol' fancy wedding. I look up from the note and see that I'm surrounded by all the yummy food that I had already prepared for the wedding banquet. The dessert table alone contained two cakes--chocolate coconut and strawberry cheesecake--plus pastries and fruit salads and a chocolate fondue fountain. "Can't let all this go to waste," I think. I call Dusty to come to the wedding site. We eat heartily.

Dreams from the Last Three Days

I give birth to a gorgeous baby girl with black hair. A friend comes to visit and we sit in the living room to chat while she holds the baby. I go into the kitchen to make tea and notice the moon shining brightly through the window. I return to the living room to find that my friend had turned into a werewolf. A snarling, drooling werewolf was holding my newborn. My shapeshifting friend and I agree that she should not visit again during a full moon.

I give birth to this. There is much screaming. And then this comes charging into the birthing room to claim the newborn. There is more screaming.

I am on tour with Depeche Mode. The band is practicing on the bus while I nap on one of the long seats. I start to snore loudly [in real life, as well], disrupting the band's jamming. Andy Fletcher gets annoyed: "Who in the bloody hell invited the pregnant lady?"

"These Dreams" by Heart
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