Sunday, June 1, 2008

I Want Your Sex

"There's things that you guess / and things that you know / There's little things you hide / and little things that you show"

On Friday I went to the opening night of Sex and the City: The Movie with Jenny, Abbie, Cori and Cori's friend Cindy. About half of Edmonton's female population was at South Commons that night; the line for the bathroom was staggering. I only saw two men in our particular theater and they were a couple. A lot of gals were decked out for this premiere in swingy dresses, high heels, even tiaras. Jenny and Abbie got me a tiara just for the occasion [thanks, girls!], so I'm glad that I went home after work to "put my face on" and change my jewelry before heading to the movie.

So did I like the movie? Well, I went into it with every low expectations. After all, SATC was the epitome of Folding Laundry TV for me. The episodes were in 30-minute bites, the drama was fairly predictable and easy to follow, and the players were all one- or two-note-characters. The biggest reason to look up from my task was to gawk at the fashion. Oh, and ogle John Corbett as Aidan. He was the best thing on that show. And he wasn't in the movie. AT ALL. That cost the movie major points.

Something else that cost the movie points: it clocked in at a full 2 1/2 hours. That's five episodes long! And the plot centered on Carrie and Big, arguably the two most shallow, self-centered, and BORING characters on the show. After watching Carrie angsting over Big [AGAIN] while she wore Patricia Field's crazy costumes, I have never been so happy to be a married, knocked-up suburban hippie living in BFE. I just don't think I have what it takes to be a single fashionista living in NYC. Mostly because I think these are an abomination unto the gods:

Those are Christian Dior Gladiator platforms, a style very similar to the ones Sarah Jessica Parker's Carrie was sporting throughout the movie. Yes, they really are that ugly. Yes, they really cost $770.00. And yes, she really wore them with this:

Excuse me while I apply salve to my retinas . . . there.

I suppose if you're a really big fan of the show, you will love the movie no matter what, but I found it to be an overlong and unnecessary appendix to the show. The characters have grown older, but no wiser. They kept repeating the same mistakes they made five, even ten years ago. That might be entertaining for the 30 minutes it takes me to fold laundry, but it gets tiresome when I have nothing else to do but pay close attention to the shenanigans of these self-absorbed neurotic harpies.

If you decide to see SATC: The Movie anyway, three things:

1) Make it a night out with your girlfriends. The main message of the show seemed to be that men and trends come and go, but your girlfriends are forever. As shallow as the rest of it was, that message still rings true in the movie. Make it a Girlfriend Appreciation Evening.

2) Go in with very low expectations. You will not learn anything new, much like the characters themselves. Think of the movie like a scoop of coconut gelato: it's light and fluffy and a nice change of pace, but then it's gone and you can go back to your regularly-scheduled coffee chocolate chunk ice cream.

3) Wear a tiara. That always helps.

"I Want Your Sex" by George Michael

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