Saturday, May 16, 2015

25 Things I've Found in My Purse That Were Not My Wallet

Picture it: Uwajimaya grocery store, after hula class about two weeks ago. I wander the aisles and pick up miso soup, seaweed salad, sashimi-grade fish, sushi rice, a tube of wasabi, pickled ginger, mochi, and brown rice tea. 

I'm starting to get really hungry for this fantastic meal and feel happy that I got in just as the store was closing. I walk up to the cash register and unload my basket onto the conveyor belt. The cashier asks if I found everything I needed this evening and I brightly say "Yes, thank you!" as I dig through my purse for my wallet.

Only my wallet is not there. I have eight yards of copper-colored jewelry wire in my purse, but no wallet. (If I ever become Empress of the World, I will declare jewelry wire to be our new currency.) 

I am mortified. I apologize to the cashier and joke, "I guess I didn't find everything I needed this evening." He is kind enough to smile. I drive home dejected and hungry. So very hungry.

I've forgotten my wallet at home maybe nine times in all my 40 years, but two of those times were in the last month. I'm generally hyper-organized and well-prepared, and I do have a bunch of (mostly) useful things in my purse right now. It's just that none of them are my wallet.

What things have I found in my purse that were not my wallet?
  1. neon-green foldout rain poncho
  2. multi-tool
  3. LED headlamp
  4. pack of Kleenex
  5. first-aid kit, with tweezers to remove ticks and splinters
  6. 4 tampons
  7. 2 mini-toothbrushes with toothpaste dots
  8. 3 tubes of lip balm (different flavors, duh)
  9. pocket mirror
  10. 3 hair rubber bands
  11. 1 tiny pot of Cream Junkie Blissful Body Whip
  12. SPF-55 sunscreen stick
  13. glue stick (Why, yes, I have almost spread a layer of glue all over my children, thinking it was sunscreen. How did you know?)
  14. 2 Frozen dry-erase markers/notebook kits
  15. 1 jar of bubbles
  16. 4 pairs of kiddie chopsticks from Blue C Sushi
  17. 6 bendy straws
  18. 2 ballpoint pens - one black, one blue
  19. red Sharpie pen (in case of editing emergencies)
  20. purple Wonder Woman journal
  21. matchbook from my sister's wedding in November 2014
  22. 1 set of plastic vampire teeth
  23. Keali'i Reichel CD (in case of hula-related emergencies)
  24. crushed crackers
  25. melted chocolate-covered almonds
Dusty has joked that when the zombie apocalypse comes, we could probably survive for 24 hours using only the things in my purse. He may be right. And who needs a wallet in the zombie apocalypse? Nobody, that's who.